How to succeed on a first date

Billy Schmitz

A-Team Member

So ladies, that cute guy asked you out and you accepted. Congratulations! Now what? As guys, we often get in our own heads about the dating game. While actually asking someone to go out and getting accepted is a big hurdle, for many guys, first dates are a bigger issue. I have had mostly positive first dates -- or at least I think I have, judging from dates that followed and the positive feedback I've gotten. I often talk to friends (both guys and girls) about their experiences, and give advice to them. So hopefully I can help you, as well. Here, I will mainly give some advice to the ladies from a guy's perspective.

Billy Schmitz

Tips for the ladies:

1) Don't be unrealistic. Honestly, this is where I think a lot of the anxiety for us guys comes from. If you don't expect us to be Ryan Gosling, we won't expect you to be Jennifer Lawrence. Come in with an open attitude. Until, you know, we do something stupid.

2) Traditionally, men are to pick the activity. And it seems like women enjoy it when a man has a plan. In my opinion, there is a lot to be said when a guy mans-up and takes initiative and I try to abide by this policy.

However, if he asks you for help picking the activity, please give us some assistance. There are a number of reasons we do this: nerves, anxiety or maybe he thinks he could really like you and doesn't want to screw it up right away. Give us time for that! Don't play the game of "Oh, whatever you want to do is fine."

Sidebar: We also do not enjoy that about picking places to eat if we ask you. A girl that knows what she wants to eat? You just gained major points. We're guys. We will almost always be totally cool with whatever eatery you choose.

Back on track, if he's already nervous and has to pick, he's already a bit behind the old 8-ball on making this a success, and he knows it, thus nerves and the dreaded awkwardness. Want to avoid that? Cool, us too. Help us out.

3) Please be ready on time. When and if we're dating, that extra time may grow to be endearing. (Unless it's consistently an hour, because seriously?!) But as we've covered, most guys are generally anxious and full of nerves about this. It goes a long way to helping quell these feelings when we say we'll pick you up at 7, and when we ring your doorbell at 7, you are ready to go. Also, please don't overdress. We will not be going to prom, do not dress like it. If you don't know the activity and are worried about what to wear, ask.

4) Help us during the date. Steer conversation to a topic of interest to you. The standard routine is that you talk and we listen for the majority of the conversation. I would not recommend that. Back-and-forth conversation is the best way to go about a date. Both parties will learn more about the other that way. Good conversation is also the best way to show your personality and sense of humor. Lastly, don't make the ending awkward. There is no hard and fast rule for guys about how to handle the end of a date. We have to play it by ear. Please try to help us out. We are not the smartest about judging that.

Quick-hitters for the guys:

-Do not go to the movies. At least not exclusively. You are supposed to actually talk on a first date.

-Have a backup plan in case Plan A is failing.

-Be chivalrous. Pick her up at the door, compliment her appearance early in the date and open doors.

-Tell her what to expect. Give her a timeframe and a general idea of what to wear. Women are planners.

-Play to your crowd. For example, you have a date with an athletic girl who likes sports? Catch a ballgame and walk around the park to talk.

-You pay. Most girls will at least put up a fight, but just say it's your pleasure and move on. In further dates and ultimately a relationship, it will likely even out.

- You know you can be a slob, but you certainly don't need to dress and act like one.

-Handle the ending like a gentleman. Walk her to her door.

-If you want to pursue further, call within the next day or two. Don't send her a text or Facebook message.

Happy dating!

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Jen Gradl

A-Team Member

First dates. In my personal opinion, I hate them. They're not only awkward and slightly uncomfortable, but I've found that they either go really, really well or absolutely horrible. This past summer, I decided to go on a little dating frenzy after my boyfriend of a year broke up with me, and it made me hate first dates.

Jen Gradl.

Back in high school, when a date would arrive at my house, my mom would be there to open the door to politely greet him and make small talk. It was tolerable but slightly embarrassing, so I thought when I got to college I wouldn't have to deal with that meet-and-greet anymore. But I came to learn that living in a house with four other roommates is by far worse. Whenever I have a date arrive, they all work their hardest to embarrass me. They're lucky I love them.

The actual date part, like I said, can go one of two ways. If it goes good the small talk and banter over dinner flows smoothly, a connection is made and time flies by. But if it goes horribly, the two-hour date drags on for what seems like an eternity.

In most of my experiences, the dates I've gone on have been pretty horrible. I once had a guy ask to meet me at McDonald's. I don't know why I even agreed to go, but I did, and when I got there I realized he was drunk. Yes, drunk. I don't think I could ever express how horrified and disgusted I was. Did he feel like he had to be completely wasted to meet me? Regardless of his excuse, he definitely didn't get a second date even though he asked several times for one.

Another time I went out to eat with a guy and as we were about to leave, he walked out the door first and literally slammed the door in my face. I was completely shocked and looked at him until he responded with "I was just trying to be a jerk."

According to him, being a jerk was the best way to have a successful date and impress a girl. Well, he was wrong. Luckily, the date ended shortly after and even though he called me 10 minutes later and asked for a second date, I told him no.

The two dates I mentioned are probably the worst ones I've experienced, but don't get me wrong, they haven't all been bad. Some dates have been absolutely perfect, but my dislike of the awkwardness and stress of first dates remains the same.

We spend half of our lives in school, but I have never had a course that taught me anything about dating. It's a trial-and-error experience, which kind of makes dates intimidating. Yes, we can watch the movies and build our expectations off of what we see, but let's face it, that's not real life.

While writing this, I thought about what my criteria for a guy is when he takes me out on a date and came up with a list of four things that I would advise to any guy who wants to take that special girl out on a date.

1) Actually take the girl OUT somewhere. Go out to eat, the movies, bowling, what have you, but actually take her out. Hanging out at either of your houses watching a movie doesn't count as a date. That's something eighth graders do.

2) Compliment her on how she looks. This may seem like a no-brainer, but I can recount a few times where the guy I was out with either didn't compliment me or waited until halfway through the night to make a comment on the way I look. Most girls take a decent amount of time and effort to look good for you guys, so complimenting her within the first five minutes not only scores you brownie points, but it makes the girl feel good and confident.

3) Be chivalrous. Nothing is more annoying to me than when a guy walks through a door, doesn't hold it open for me and lets it slam in my face. It's not that you have to pick up her spoon for her and feed her, but opening up the car door and restaurant door is not only going to impress her, it's a sign of respect.

4) If the date goes well, and you want to see her again, then tell her that. I can always tell when a date goes well when the guy calls or texts me later that night to thank me for going out with him. Nothing is worse for us girls than when we don't hear from the guy for a few days because then we're in limbo, wondering if he likes us or if he doesn't.