It still sucks

It is the weirdest feeling in the world.

One minute I was sitting on the couch in the Tri Delta lounge with my friends debating on what dress to order online for my senior formal. Now, a week later, I am writing this from my new room in my parent’s basement.

I am not sure I have processed this fully. Actually, I am sure I haven’t. It was like in a matter of days my world just turned completely upside down. With a snap of fingers, my time at Southeast Missouri State University was over.

As a disclaimer, I would like to state that I am extremely lucky and grateful for my life. So many individuals are sick, losing loved ones, have lost their jobs or income and have no way to provide for themselves and their families. I am extremely aware that I am blessed that all of my friends and family are healthy and safe, and yes, that my parents let me move into their basement…

BUT, it still sucks!

EVERYBODY is going through something right now. What you are going through might not be as bad as your neighbor’s situation, but I promise your feelings are still valid.

This was an aspect that was extremely hard for me to wrap my head around when dealing with all of my emotions and changes in my life.

There I was … sitting on a couch in the place that had been my home for the last four years sobbing and wondering how my senior year was just over with one simple email. I was confused, anxiety-ridden, angry and just plain sad. All I kept thinking was, ‘This really can’t be happening to me.’

Back in August, I remember telling my dad before I came back to campus for my senior year how I wished I could just be in college forever. I had created this world at Southeast that I absolutely loved. One with people who supported me, whether it be academically or personally. One where I loved my job and my coworkers. One where I lived with my friends and enjoyed most, if not all, aspects of my life. And most importantly, one that I wasn’t ready to leave.

Obviously, since August, I have come around to the idea that I couldn’t stay in college forever. I understood the fun must come to an end in May, but with that came a new exciting chapter in life with a career and hopefully a new city. I had a timeline. I had fun and exciting plans to finish out the semester. I had a list of goodbyes and a list of lasts.

And the minute I opened that email, all my lasts vanished.

I didn’t have until May to find a job or a place to live. My timeline was blown to smithereens.

All of my plans, my trips, girls’ nights, senior sorority activities and so much more were just gone.

But what really hurt was the goodbyes. No goodbyes to my favorite places. No goodbyes to the professors and those throughout the university that helped make my experience unforgettable and successful. And no goodbyes to my people, the ones that made Southeast my home.

The only way I can describe it all is like ripping off a bandaid. I had three days to collect my things from the sorority house and leave campus… and in one, two, three… college was just over for me. There was nothing that I could do except make the absolute best out of the situation given to me, try and wrap my head around everything that was going on, and do my best to try and say, “See ya sometime, Southeast!”

But, now what?

That is the hardest part for all of us seniors. Our lives just ended abruptly, with no direction in sight for when our next chapter can begin. So yes … even though we could all have it worse … It still sucks.